ASW June 2, 2002

RESULTS
1. Deliciously Cool defeated Jimmy Mustang and Jayk'E Hook when Mark Delicious pinned Mustang after an X-Factor
2. Spike Steele defeated Krackerjak in an "I Quit" match with the Closing Credits
3. Jim Demirov v Sebastian Walker - No Contest
4. Firestarter defeated Steve Frost by countout to retain the TV title when Frost failed to make it to the ring
5. Firestarter defeated Spike Steele by submission to retain the TV title with the Burning Sensation
6. Double Impact defeated Jag & Havok when Frank Smooth pinned Havok after a shoulder high leg drop
7. The Bulldog defeated Chucky by DQ when Chucky hit the Bulldog with a chair

REPORT
ASW Chaos took place on Sunday and it promised so much.

But it failed to deliver.

For a start, the crowd was terrible. All Star Cafe wasn't even half full. And I would estimate that only about a dozen made any real noise throughout the afternoon. A group on the Yarra River side, and only three people on the other side (myself and two young female regulars, Fire and Ice).

And only one match went close to the quality of the Birthday Bash in April. That was Double Impact against Jag and Havok. But there was an ongoing storyline throughout the show which was OK.

I brought the Mortein, but I hardly had time to get it out before Mark Delicious got me with the Fa! He must have known I had the Mortein and snuck that shot in!! I also exchanged a few words - from a distance - with Julian James, when he told me to shut up. Stefan Cool and Jayk'E Hook had a battle right in front of me, but Tastelessly Uncool got the win when Delicious nailed Jimmy Mustang with the X-Factor after James got Jimmy in the eyes with a spray of Fa. Big Flava also tried to get me on his way out - being carried by Cool, but this time I was ready and got the reply in - unfortunately he was a little too far away and I ended up having to apologise to a girl two rows behind me as the pine smell got to her. Not a bad match.

The storyline of the show started when we saw Krackerjak lock Steve Frost into his room prior to his match against Spike Steele for a TV title shot. This match was an "I Quit" match, and it was good but not the same standard as the Bash match. Anyway, Jag and Havok interfered to payback Kracker for his locking Frost up, and he was out cold already when the referee called for the bell when he failed to respond in Steele's sleeper hold which he calls the Closing Credits AKA the Cobra Clutch according to Peter Farry.

The Bulldog then came into the ring, and it sounded like he was mourning the end of the wrestling career of Austen Young. In fact, he was talking about Steve O'Neal!!! That pissed Peter Farry off especially (and me on top of the rubbish CowChicken had dished out on the ASW message board). Adelaide's answer to the Yellow Peril was then about to engage in a verbal stoush with yours truly, but then he decided to sell some BO and took off!! Real funny, CowChicken! Real funny!

Frost never got out of his room, and Firestarter claimed the victory by forfeit - but then Spike Steele came in and demanded his title shot now. He got it and we got another good match but again not quite there. Spike used the ropes to get the win, but Krackerjak got another referee in to restart the match, much to Spike's fury. But then came the best moment of the show in my opinion. Kracker was holding the TV title belt and looking at it, and one of the female fans called on him to hit Spike with it. AND HE DID!!! As though he decided on that shout to do it! I'm sure it wasn't meant work that way, but it worked!!! The girl was the hero of the dedicated fans after that as Firestarter took the gift with the Burning Sensation and retained the title. The pair celebrated until we had another SA run in. That was too much for Rohan who announced that every SA person who lost from now on would be out the door - for good.

That put pressure on Jag and Havok for the best match of the show, but ultimately the pressure got to them. Jag tried to throw powder into the eyes of Frank Smooth but he got Havok instead. A blinded Havok hit his partner with a cradle piledriver before he was set upon by the twins, finishing him off with the legdrop from shoulder height. I tried to start the "Goodbye" song (na na na na, na na na na, hey, hey, hey, goodbye) and so did Peter Farry, but if there was any indication of the poor crowd, that was it. At the Birthday Bash it would have worked a treat. Nevertheless, security sent the pair straight out the front door.

The Bulldog decided to send my cap for a flight as he arrived for the main event - I wasn't actually wearing it, it was hanging alongside me. This was an ordinary match as Chucky struggled with the bigger man. The referee was flattened, and carried out, but we didn't get a replacement straight away which allowed the match to go hardcore as CowChicken introduced a steel barricade. Some damage was done by the time the replacement ref arrived, and both men used weapons but no DQ was called. Then after being dumped onto the barricade which was lying between two chairs outside the ring, Chucky was thrown back in. Then not long after he lost his cool and went to town on the Bulldog with a chair - and NOW the ref calls for the bell! Chucky lost the match, but retained the title. Jag and Havok then returned, and Steve Frost - who had finally escaped his jail - and Spike Steele ran in to lend a hand busting up Chucky. Krackerjak and Firestarter tried to help but got nowhere. The Bulldog coveted the belt and claimed to be the new champion, even having the gall to ask me to shake his hand!! He was lucky he didn't keep the microphone close to me for long because I would have used it to tell him that he WASN'T the champion!

The other part of the night was a no contest, as Jim Demirov was jumped from behind by Sebastian Walker while he was being distracted by his bodyguard Titanic. The attack went on, until finally fellow legend George Julio had had enough. With Jim out of action it was hard even for the tough Hitman to overcome a two on one. This has led to a tag team match next month with Julio tagging up with Demirov against Walker and Titanic - an unususal situation for the Hit Man as he is usually a heel.

The arm wrestling match wasn't much, as I expected. But it looks like Ox might be turning face. He was siding with Stacy (and Linda was in the corner of Tastelessly Uncool earlier) and after he got into a push and shove with special referee Mark Delicious and ended up pushing Linda's arm over, giving her the win and the title of Miss All Star - much to Stacy's fury. And Delicious foolishly tried to belt Ox, and got absolutely nowhere. This could be a tag match for July as well.

All in all, a disappointing show. Maybe it was little hurried as they had to get out before the world cup soccer. The next show will be on July 14.